False Spring
by the Hate Child
Summary: "Who am I? I'm a separate consciousness from another dimension with the experiences and memories of a past life." "...That's gonna be a mouthful to say." OR, These things don't just happen randomly, except for when they do: a story about fire, fear, and a friendship that transcends the very fabric of the space-time continuum. SI/OC Self insert (rating subject to change)
1. The Girl, as of now Unnamed

This is a story that takes place on the Edges of things, where only boundary conditions apply. Boundaries like the ones between light and dark, good and evil, today and tomorrow, or in my case... this world and the next. Springtime and autumn are such places—heralds of death and (re)birth.

* * *

><p>"Is it okay to be lost?" (or, when cosplays Go Wrong)<p>

* * *

><p>Ah, the sweet smell of an anime convention: cheetos, desperation, unwashed college student, and the stench of hairspray from a dying Goku wig just <em>begging <em>to be put out of it's misery. Conventions are a haven for weaboos and nerds alike; a place where they can congregate to dress up as their favorite anime characters or squee over the new interview quote that _confirms _that _hell yes,_ their ship is canon, _deal with it bitches_.

Perhaps I'm being rather unfair. Anime conventions can be quite fun, and I will readily admit that I partook in all of the aforementioned activities. For years they were my escape from scary things like the pressures of college and Adult Responsibilities. My bitter attitude towards cons probably stems from the fact that one such convention is responsible for my death—and by extension, the improbable (but apparently not _impossible_) situation I find myself in.

Death made me bitter about a lot of things.

(I'm sorry—things start to get muddled at this point. I probably won't be making much sense. I remember my life, I remember my death, and I remember what happened _after _just… not very coherently.)

* * *

><p>I was particularly fanatical about making my cosplays absolutely spectacular. I special ordered and hand styled my wigs, my contacts were Korean imports, my costumes I had professionally made… you get the picture. Impressive costumes and character roleplay made one very popular at cons (you were hot shit), and therefore became a way to meet new people that shared my interests. I was in a six-year all expense paid foreign exchange program to Japan, and being in a foreign country all by myself, unable to leave the country for the first six years of my education—well, it almost made me go mad with homesickness.<p>

In the first two years of my schooling, I had spiraled into a deep depression. Going to school, doing homework, and going to sleep were the only things I could make myself do. There were three main causes of this: I couldn't decide which major to settle on, I hadn't been back to America in 21 months, and this is going to sound kind of awkward but… I kind of hated myself. Well, the self-hatred itself wasn't awkward, rather it was the type of hatred and my reasons for it.

Not as in a woe is me, my life sucks, I-mess-everything-up kind of way. At that point, I was desperate to be anyone except for myself, anything but my miserable failure of a life. That was probably when the cosplaying came in. It had the heady allure of a drug, because I found it immensely satisfying to _become _that character for those few golden hours, as a brief respite from my debilitating loneliness and self-loathing. In retrospect, it seems like a rather unhealthy coping mechanism (which it was) but it got me out of my funk because I actually met new people and gained some healthy social interaction in the process.

However: cosplaying like that for four years (wishing I could _be_ that character, please god, anyone but my plain, ordinary self) eradicated any sense of self that I had. Who was I? Why should I stay the way I was, in my mundane and boring life? Why couldn't I be a princess, a hero, a villain, _anything_

Please?

* * *

><p>I died in the autumn, so isn't it ironic that I was (re)born in the spring?<p>

* * *

><p>I had gained a bit of a reputation in the cosplay circles, being known as impossible to beat because of my attention to detail and my ability to stay in character for hours at a time. One year, some genius decided that the best way to win the "best costume" award was to sabotage my notice for the convention—the fucker changed the location for the awards dinner to the Aokigahara Forest, infamously known as the place where some people go in and never come out. It's the second most popular suicide destination on the planet.<p>

They say hindsight is 20/20. I didn't really suspect anything amiss, mainly because I naively believed that someone would never go that far to win a silly contest (rather hypocritical of me to say considering how seriously I took those things, yes shut up, I am aware). The location didn't ring any alarms for me, but I did think it was rather morbid: holding a dinner for a Halloween festival near a place where lots and lots of people go to die was, in my opinion, of bad taste.

Once I got there, dressed in my first-prize Haruno Sakura (Shippuden) cosplay, I walked quite a ways into the forest before realizing that no idiot would hold a dinner here and that I had been duped. Badly. It was nighttime by the time I decided to turn back to my car, the darkness seemed especially suffocating that night, and before I knew it I was hopelessly lost.

I meandered pretty far off the main trail by then, so really it was quite surprising that this hadn't happened earlier: the stench of rotting meat invaded my nose, and I stumbled onto what looked like a scene from a sick horror movie. Corpses hung at varying heights and—was that an Evangelion Unit 01 costume? A-and I think that was an Ichigo costume in that fir tree over there? (I think I see what's supposed to be Vegeta, oh GOD)

Immediately stumbling backwards, a broken scream forced its way through my choked up throat. I ended up heaving what was left of my lunch all over my front and promptly passed out, hitting my head on a sharp rock protruding from the ground (was that there before? I swear it wasn't what's going on what's happening to me is that blood why does my head hurt I can't breathe am I dying please God I don't wanna die PLEASE)

I blacked out.

* * *

><p>After an indeterminable amount of time I woke up. My tongue felt like sandpaper when I tried to lick my chapped lips, and I was unable to make even the slightest twitch of my fingers.<p>

I- I know I'm probably not going to get out of here. I can feel crusted b-blood on the back of my neck, and I don't think necks bend this way. I am most likely going to either s-starve to death, get eaten by something, or bleed out or any number of gruesome things and all I want now is for some one to p-please GOD put me out of my misery, PLEASE. This is one of the slower ways to die, and one of the most painful.

(Dying always hurts. No matter if it's fast, slow, or you're unconscious, it _hurts_. Pain is a physiological response to a harmful environment, be it internal or external. Your body is alerting you to the fact that something is wrong, and you should probably get this taken care of for your continued survival. Once your body recognizes that you are in some deep shit, the alarm bells go off. Everything starts hurting like a motherfucker, because YOU ARE DYING SOMETHING IS WRO-)

* * *

><p>And like a broken watch, or a VCR tape run out of… well, <em>tape<em>, I Stopped.

* * *

><p><em>Lub. Squish. Lub-Dub. Squish. Lub-Squish. Squish-Dub. Lub-Dub….. Squish-Squish…..Squi—<em>

_lub-dub-lub-dub-lub-dub_

_lub-dub-lub-dub-lub-dub_

_lub-dub-lub-dub-lub-dub_

* * *

><p>I was floating in the Void. The Void was surprisingly warm and not-so-surprisingly dark, and nothing, absolutely nothing, hurt.<p>

It was quiet here, still and peaceful. But alas, things didn't stay peaceful forever. I soon (or later, time had lost all meaning) became able to _touch_ the boundaries of the Void, and that was scary because it brought the inevitable thought of where I actually was. Was the Void supposed to have walls? Was there anything Beyond the Void? Would I cease forever, once I broke through the Edges? As everything shrunk around me I began to panic, kicking and fussing. However, I also started… listening. I heard a voice, that sounded low and sweet and sad, and sometimes it sang to me. Sometimes I danced to the voice's songs and sometimes I danced to songs that didn't exist. I was Dreaming, which made up for that scary claustrophobic feeling.

I Dreamed of many things.

Of course when I finally started calming down and accepting things, shit hit the fan. Pressure began bearing down on me from all sides, I was starting to panic again, and then there was a big _heave _and I slowly emerged from—

The abyss… I wasn't there anymore? It was gone? _Where am I?_

I felt dizzy, and the world was strange and blurry and bright. Everything was too much, the smells and sounds hit me like a slap—the noise, the _noise—_I couldn't take it. I screamed.

* * *

><p>I came to consciousness, and instantly knew with absolute certainty that something was very, very wrong.<p>

* * *

><p>The first year or so was absolutely horrifying. I was trapped, my arms and legs felt like jelly, and it seemed like there was something like mosquito netting separating me from—well, <em>everything<em>. My senses, my thoughts, even my ability to move was muted. It took Herculean effort to even twitch my fingers, and the space where I existed felt oddly cramped. Things got worse when I started regaining my mobility because…

It wasn't _me_ that was doing the moving. Well, it was, partially, because I could hear and taste and sort of see and understand things. But, I could also sense that here-

_I was not the one in control._

* * *

><p>That sounded awfully dramatic. In truth, it actually was frightening and confusing at the time, but it's nice to look back on that time and laugh in relief because things eventually became much better. I got used to the strangeness in this new world, to being a babe once more. Or at the very least, I blocked it out and decided that the hysterics could wait.<p>

As far as babies go, I think I was pretty normal. For the first year I slept and pooped and cried like any other baby. There was an old woman with sharp nails who fed and cleaned me and called me Sakura-chan which I suppose was a nice enough name, if rather unoriginal. It also clued me in that I was reborn somewhere either in Japan or heavily influenced by Japanese culture. Sometimes there was a man with purple-black eyes that stared at me. That was super creepy, so I did my damnedest to do my projectile baby-vomit thing all over him. We (me, the old woman, and purple-black) moved around a lot, usually to places that smelled weird and had a lot of people yelling. I never really got to go outside much, so I was always incredibly bored. While my body was asleep or awake or whatever, I was _aware_ and that was scary as hell, so in order to stave off the boredom and prevent my self from going mad, I reflected on my old life, trying to dredge up every single memory I could. It was after a particularly long "thinking session" that I realized I could sense a subtle fluttering, almost like a heartbeat but not, and eventually I could feel vague impressions of thoughts and feelings that were not my own. This was one of the first clues that I got to the fact that some Seriously Weird Shit happened.

I probably freaked out the old woman (I later learned her name was Hidan) because we sometimes fell asleep with our eyes open. While the Other slept, I could not. A woman could only take so much boredom, and even though I couldn't see much I took what I could get. Also, once our eyesight improved, I was shocked to learn that Hidan was actually a man and purple-black's hair was actually shaped like a _star_, I shit you not. It looked like it took a ton of hair gel, and I secretly thought no hairstyle was worth that (no matter how cool it looked). In order to pass the time I _didn't_ spend going through my memories, I postulated theories about who we (me and the Other) were in this life. Were we the gay baby of Hidan and purple-black (I figured out his name was Kizashi)? Were we members of a traveling circus, and that was why we moved around so much? Were they drag queens (one of the more ridiculous theories I had developed solely based on Hidan's nail polish)?

I didn't think about some of my exceptionally morbid theories—one being that they were Satan worshippers. The night before our first birthday during Other's mid-evening nap, more weird shit started happening. I woke other up and she was greeted to weird chanting, the smell of blood, and a dead fawn with it's neck at an unnatural angle (that reminded me of what I must have looked like, in that dark forest surrounded by what appeared to be an anime convention from hell).

From the perspective of an impressionable baby, it was a rather simple life. We didn't really think anything was amiss at first, which probably says a lot about my situational awareness at the time. Other was excused because she was still trying to understand the concept of pants. It actually took me an embarrassingly long time to put the facts together and become cognizant of the fact that something really really strange and weird was going on, and even then I pushed it back with the other things that I was going to have hysterics over... someday. In the distant future.

No—I realized that something truly impossible had happened when on the morning of our first birthday, I looked in the mirror for the very first time and saw jade-green eyes framed by wisps of petal-pink hair.

* * *

><p>"<em>False spring is a term used in botany (and related fields) rather than in meteorology. It refers to a period of weather in late winter or early spring sufficiently mild and <em>_sufficiently long to "trick" dormant vegetation into waking up early._

_Plant pathologist Dr. Natalie Goldberg of the New Mexico State University Cooperative Extension __Service__ says that "young, succulent tissues begin growing at a time when the plant should remain dormant," and it can then be damaged by later frosts and freezes. False spring temperatures rarely affect native plants, but ornamentals are quite vulnerable."_

_-Tom Skilling, meteorologist at WGN-TV_

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><p><strong>AN: Hey there! I just did some cleaning, and tried to spice up the summary a little. I'm still working on chapter 2, but it should be up by next Friday! Let me know what you thought :) cover credit goes to delicateblood on deviantart**


	2. HIDAN (Edited as of December 16)

_What the FUCK? Who decides to dye a baby's hair pink? These people are insane what the fucking HELL__—_

(What? You thought I would automatically jump to the conclusion that I had been reborn into the body of an anime character? Bitch, _please. _Who does that? Who would actually think that? And honestly, those thoughts were the farthest thing from my mind. With, you know, the whole _dying horribly _thing I thought I had enough to worry about.)

* * *

><p><em>Once upon a time, the sun and the storm waged a great war in the heavens, and the earth watched from below and wished that she was strong enough to battle among them.<em>

_This is not that story. _

_In this story, something was different- by some quirk of fate, a new and foreign entity was introduced to a place she had no business in. The consequences of this cosmic flight of fancy were far-reaching. Something seemingly unimportant changed, and the earth—well. She began to form a mountain. And according to the theory of plate tectonics, when this happens some inevitable... shifting occurs. These small changes can result in disastrous circumstances for the people living on the earth—earthquakes, tsunamis, volcanic eruptions, etc. _

_I'm probably going way too far with this metaphor, so the point I'm trying to make is this: my very presence in this world changed a __**lot **__of things. The tapestry of fate got in a big fucked up knot, some people didn't die when they should have, but in the end life went on anyways. Did I change the story for better or for worse? I don't know. Just read it and judge it for yourself._

_Be warned. This story isn't all that nice, and the heroine isn't always very heroic, but… This is the story._

_(Please, please—just read it. So I'm not the only one who knows.)_

* * *

><p>Sakura's first birthday marks a Very Important Moment in our shared existence: Hidan-ojisan took us hunting for the first time (oh dear). This is when I began to seriously consider what had actually happened to me (instead of living in denial), Sakura and I saw death for the first time, but most importantly, we met Karin.<p>

* * *

><p>Karin was blunt to the point of rudeness all the time. Always ready with something degrading and disheartening to say, although she rarely meant a word of it to be taken to heart, her blunt and cynical views imbedded deep within the way she saw everything. Instead of being cruel she was brutally honest. Talking was like breathing – it had to be done at all times. She could ramble on for hours, but she had the quality that many ramblers lacked, she made it interesting for hours and hours. She observed everything, between all that talking, and had an accurate grasp on more or less everything, tainted only by her scepticism and her habit of thinking the worst of people. Because of this you could listen to her for infinite amounts of time and she'd still make sense, without adding unnecessary embellishments and frills to the words she said. She did not do frills – that point was clear as soon as you laid eyes on her.<p>

She never got angry, or so I'd seen, but she was never happy either; always a scathing indifference to the world. Even at a startlingly young age she was like this. That kind of attitude was necessary if you wanted to stay sane with the things you could see when staying with Hidan.

* * *

><p>In the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a sociopath is defined as "someone who behaves in a dangerous or violent way towards other people and does not feel guilty about such behavior." The Merriam-Webster dictionary doesn't really exist in the Naruto universe, but nevertheless it still describes our Uncle Hidan to a tee. However, it doesn't mean that he has no capacity for civilized behavior. Rather, Hidan can be quite pleasant, as long as you ignore the whole 'crazy axe-murderer' thing. He's the kind of guy where after killing a family of four or committing some other horrifying deed, he would then proceed to talk about this new place that had the <em>best<em> yakiniku or something to that effect. Mindless slaughter could give him quite the appetite.

Hidan-ojisan is one of the major reasons why I disregarded what having pink hair and green eyes meant in this world.

(Those consequences I was talking about? This was one of them.)

* * *

><p>In order to understand Sakura's relation to Hidan, one must know the story of the Haruno and Akino clans and Sakura's parents:<p>

The Haruno clan is based in Iron Country, where spring is a precious and bittersweet season. They are mostly characterized by their finely honed corporate acumen and brightly colored hair, which ranges from magenta, deep purple, or in rare cases, candyfloss pink. Ridiculously colored hair isn't really conducive to a hunter-gatherer nomadic lifestyle because you can't really hide from a bear with a hot pink hairdo. The Haruno clan had to find prosperity by other means, such as grand larceny, various forms of fraud, and other such dealings lacking any sort of moral integrity. The Haruno clan valued money above all else, which is why one interpretation of the Haruno circle is that a coin. In fact, if one looked far back on the family tree, you could pinpoint the S-rank badass Kakuzu's relation to the Family, all the way from Takigakure. But… no one really liked to think acknowledge Kakuzu's branch of the family because the Haruno were filled with honest, stout-hearted citizens of lands protected by samurai, who were filled with _honour _and _valour. _At least, that was the official reason. The unofficial reason was that the samurai were dumb enough that the Family could operateunhindered. To the Haruno, shinobi were weird because they tried to pass off an ethically questionable lifestyle as a legitimate business, and even professed to have any sort of code of honor. To them, this was a bunch of bull. Family members know that their reprehensible lifestyle would result in an unkind fate for them. This ideal demonstrates why another interpretation of the Haruno circle is the family motto: "What goes around, comes around".

But I digress—being a money-grubbing cheapskate thief runs deep in Haruno blood. Sakura's father was a special case, because while he was definitely a rising star in his family's main line of work, he felt… unfulfilled. So when a woman that shared his ideals came into the picture; from a rival clan nonetheless, his world was shaken upside down.

The Akino clan resides primarily in the Land of Hot Water, a place with a climate that couldn't be further than the harsh snowstorms of Iron. They were suspected to be cannibals and had notoriously messy hair that could only be defeated by copious amounts of hair wax.

(Except, the Akino didn't really believe in doing things half-assed, so they just used chicken fat to make their hair like oil-spill disaster. One look at Hidan will confirm this. In fact, Sakura's mother continued to practice this even after she deserted, but she put her own spin on things by slicking her bangs in such a way to cover her unfortunately large forehead.)

The Land of Hot Water gets it's name from the large amount of naturally occurring springs as a result of a geological hotspot (a place where the earth's mantle is anomalously hot). Apparently mental instability is a common trait among Akino clan members; so when the country was found to be located directly over sulfuric hot springs and boiling magma, they immediately decided that was to be their new home. The Jashinists in the clan definitely weren't complaining, because butchering people was getting rather routine, so boiling their victims alive would be a nice change of pace. In it's glory days, Yugakure was famous for it's cheap assassinations, top-notch seduction specialists, and an illicit drug manufacturing operation on the side. Everything went to shit when people got the ridiculous idea to actually _bathe _in the springs, rather than enjoying the thick haze of hallucination-inducing vapors that constantly hung around the city. Then Industry and Technological Advancement descended on the good citizens of Yugakure, and a fierce love for bloodshed and destruction came to be seen as "socially unacceptable". Sakura's mother was different from the rest of her clan, because while she lusted for blood like any other proud Akino, she was able to be a bit more discreet about it. When she met a man that wove lies with his mouth and hid under layers and layers of deception—well. Suffice to say, for her it was love at first sight.

The kanji used for _aki_ is 秋 for autumn, contrasted with the _haru_ kanji 春 for spring. So, Haruno means "of spring" and Akino means "of autumn". Everything about the relationship between these clans was based on opposing forces, and the names just emphasized that. And thus starts the beginning of the epic star-crossed love of Haruno Kizashi and Akino Mebuki. It was a Romeo and Juliet kind of deal.

* * *

><p>Pre-divergence, Kizashi and Mebuki, both heirs of their respective clans, decided it was a good idea to drop everything and get hitched. They made a plan to seek asylum in Konohagakure, where they would come to settle down for a relatively peaceful life. Kizashi would open a bank, Mebuki could talk to people who weren't cannibals, and they would have a troublesome daughter who would grow up to be a kind-of-functional member of society.<p>

Their families did _not _like the sound of that, but it was definitely worse for poor Mebuki, whose only support within the clan was one Akino Hidan. Hidan was from an almost-extinct branch of the Akino clan that was mostly the priests/retainers; able to function in these two roles because the total annihilation that Jashinism demanded extended to the Akino clan's enemies, so really they were just doing their priestly duties when they went crazy and killed lots of people. I say almost-extinct because Jashin-sama commanded all weak fuckers to be destroyed, and boys can be quite competitive. This practice was understandably frowned upon in Yugakure, which had been pushing for years to get its status as a Hidden Village removed. It was only labeled as such because of the freaky homicidal Jashinists, so the debate transformed it into a city essentially at war with itself.

In both timelines, a pregnant Mebuki would flee Yugakure and hide in the Land of Ricefields, where she was to rendezvous with Kizashi so they could then escape to the relative safety of Konoha. In another world they would succeed, but here they didn't. All because the wind blew in a different direction.

* * *

><p>Kizashi got stalled while trying to quell his family's suspicions, so he had to send a missive to Mebuki letting her know that they were still to go through with the Plan. He had to use a super old carrier pigeon because his family would get suspicious if he were to use one of the prized hawks. Those which were fast and reliable, as the carrier pigeons were not. To the credit of the pigeon, it did have the capacity to reach Mebuki in time, but a strong updraft caused him to become hopelessly lost. He ended up not making his destination at all, and died after landing splat in the future backyard of a glasses-wearing Uzumaki.<p>

Mebuki had no way of knowing this, and her hereditary insanity combined with pregnancy hormones led her to make a series of Bad Decisions. She was already grouchy dealing with Rice country peasants, and was bored out of her mind. A dark part of her jumped at the chance for future _entertainment_, so she immediately jumped to the conclusion that the bastardhad knocked her up and abandoned her, leaving her to rot in the boonies. Well, not on her watch. Mebuki resorted to using a modified Jashinist summoning ritual, which would trap her husband's soul in a gourd so she could yell at him all she wanted. However, Mebuki wasn't as experienced with rituals as a more devoted acolyte would be, so she didn't really do the ritual right, and she kind of dropped the already brittle gourd causing it to shatter, and… there were some Complications. One of which resulted in her premature death, and almost cost her the life of her unborn child.

* * *

><p>In one world, Yugakure's brief but disastrous stint as a tourist attraction would be abruptly cut short by Hidan's triple-bladed scythe. Here, he was rudely interrupted because he sensed some idiot trying (and failing) to perform a forbidden Jashinist summoning ritual. As his duty to Jashin-sama commanded him, he had to go find out what the hell was going on and what Mebuki idiotically fucked up this time.<p>

Hidan was upset because his killing spree would be interrupted, and as the ritual dictated, Mebuki's devil-spawn would get the pleasure of finishing it (Unfair!). He deemed only one response to be appropriate, only one that could capture the sheer amount of rage and disappointment he felt:

"JASHIN-FUCKING-DAMMIT!"

* * *

><p>That being said, Hidan's presence certainly made Sakura-chan's first birthday memorable.<p>

Pre-Akatsuki Hidan wasn't a big fan of clothing. They covered up the beautiful markings he got from his signature combat ritual, and it was hard to find clothing that didn't make him look like a pussy because of his fine hair and effeminate features. So, he walked around covered in animal skins with only a loincloth to preserve his dignity, while greased up with chicken fat. He actually pulled off the look rather well, because he had some top-quality animal pelts.

Even Jashinists don't straight up start killing humans. One had to work up to these things, so traditionally the first human sacrifice occurred at 8-10 years old. It started by guiding a baby's hands in snapping the necks of small woodland creatures, working all the way up to killing large predators unassisted. Hidan was an elite because he was a natural hunter, so hunting humans for sacrifices was only a logical step up for him. But Hidan liked to consider himself a man who enjoyed the simpler things, and would go and kill bears, tigers, wolves, etc. if he had a free day or two to relax. He was actually somewhat of a prodigy in the clan, because he was able to make his first human sacrifice at 6.

Since Hidan was Mebuki's only ally left in the clan, it was left to him to raise Sakura. He badgered her father for money and let him see her from time to time, but he mostly had to take care of her by himself. He had to lay low in brothels and bars and some of the family's smuggling bases, because people were still kind of upset about the whole killing spree thing. And while none of these were appropriate places to raise a child, Hidan didn't particularly give a fuck. He hated children. But family was family, so he figured he had better just get her to complete the first sacrifice as soon as possible. Sooner was better, because then he could finally wash his hands of the brat and call it a day.

Normally, the First Hunt happened on the 2nd or 3rd birthday, but Hidan figured that it wouldn't hurt to get the ball rolling early. Sakura-chan was a precocious child anyways, so he figured her first birthday was a good enough occasion.

* * *

><p>It was a quiet afternoon in the village of Momikara. They'd had plenty of rain for the past week, so they could rest for a little while. No one saw it coming. There was no time to scream, to run, to hide.<p>

(No one saw it coming.)

There was a figure that walked to the huts next to the fields. The way it moved, with that predatory grace, and the patchwork of animal pelts made it seem more animal than human. Oddly enough, there was a baby in a sling that lay across the figure's front. The child was silent, as if it knew the horror that was about to come. There was a triple bladed scythe strapped to the figure's back, which it removed with practiced ease as it approached the first house.

(No one saw it coming.)

This one was a smaller house, one packed with twelve people like sardines in a can. They didn't have much, only the company of each other, but they managed to be happier than the wealthier man. The baby began to cry silently as it caught a glimpse of blood-spattered sandals that could only have belonged to a child.

(No one saw it coming.)

Momikara could hardly be called a village anyways, because all the huts were spaced so far apart, and there was only a population of about 80 people. All of which would be dead soon.

(No one saw it coming.)

The last house was strange. It was already empty, as if they knew something terrible was to come from miles off. The figure stepped inside and looked around. At first glance, it appeared to be stripped bare of any furniture or belongings, but in the corner there was a small net with a tiny bundle inside. One that cried weakly, showing it was still alive, one that would have been better off keeping its mouth shut.

The figure reached out in the gloom and peered down at the bundle, which was clutching a scroll and a pair of glasses. In a rare moment of empathy, it decided not to kill this one. Killing a baby while he held another one in his arms would leave a bad taste in his mouth. A slow smile spread across its lips as it met the green-eyed gaze of the baby in the sling.

"Sakura-chan… would you like a birthday present?"

* * *

><p>Taking in Karin was the best thing Hidan could have done for me. For both of this day, I'm still not quite sure why he did it. Caring for two squalling baby girls couldn't have been easy, but he did it anyways. Later, Sakura would confess to me that she liked to think he did it for us. The thought was nice, but… I don't know. I don't know.<p>

Karin was our only constant aside from Hidan and death. And for that, for simply being there, I cannot thank her enough.

* * *

><p>I have many regrets in regards to Sakura. Arguably the biggest one of all is when I explained to her what a shinobi was.<p>

The kanji for shinobi-忍 is said to come from 勘忍, meaning patience. That kanji is used specifically because the skills of the shinobi are skills you need to endure the unendurable or any difficulties or hardships that are imaginable. If someone wanted to become a shinobi, they needed to think about what the name of their profession truly means. If a person truly understood this and kept it in mind at all times… It was what made a _true _ninja prodigy, because the people who understood always completed missions and distinguished themselves.

The idea automatically appealed to her. Instead of slaughtering mindlessly, she could do it for an ideal—something lasting, something powerful, something bigger than herself, but tangible all the same. Oh, she still loved Jashin-sama, without a doubt. She knew that he was an essential part of the Circle. But solely being a bringer of death, just killing and killing and killing, sounded like a terrible existence. She wanted to fulfill Jashin's part of the Circle, but she wanted to fulfill the other half too. She wanted to be whole, to bring death for the sake of life, to live for the sake of dying.

She could carry out the orders of Jashin-sama in the name of… something. (The Will of Fire was still an abstract concept for her, as she had no idea what Konoha was or what the word indomitable meant.)

* * *

><p>Dissociative identity disorder (previously known as multiple personality disorder) is thought to be an effect of severe trauma during early childhood, usually extreme, repetitive physical, sexual, or emotional abuse.<p>

Tagging along with your uncle on his cross-country killing sprees would probably count as severe trauma.

* * *

><p>When Sakura was the tender age of three, I realized that we had company. She might have been called Inner Sakura in a different time, but things were different here. I was almost tempted to say <em>This head ain't big enough for the two of us, <em>like the sheriffs and outlaws in old Western films. But I showed admirable restraint.

It was after a particularly brutal hunting trip when I first felt her. Her existence came from multiple factors, but I admittedly had a part in it.

Sakura already had me— me who was still Sakura because I had been there for all of her life. That really is the true nature of our bond: I experienced everything she did/felt/saw/etc, and my memories of Before were shared with her. We probably understood each other better than any two beings ever could and ever will. I was Sakura, but I was something _more _too.

This new entity, well. She just added on to the _more._

Combine that with severe emotional trauma and a family history of madness; then it doesn't become that surprising of a revelation.

We decided to hash things out between us. To have a war council of sorts: I don't necessarily like you, but we're in this together so we might as well try to make it pleasant.

* * *

><p>"I will now call this meeting to order—" BANG-BANG-BANG<p>

"_SAKURA! Put the damn gavel down. I should have never shown you those movies…"_

"**God, both of you are so annoying…"**

"Excuse you. I am the dominant personality here, so you need to listen to me!"

"_...technically I'm not a separate personality, I'm a consciousness with experiences and memories from a past life…"_

"And do you seriously expect me to say that? Miss 'consciousness with experiences and memories from a past life'?"

"**Heh. She's got you there, nerd."**

"_Fuck off."_

"A-HEM!"

"_**...sorry."**_

"Ok, so our first order of business is… names. I can't just call you both Inner Sakura, because that would just get confusing."

"**JUST CALL ME KAMI-SAMA—"**

"QUIET, YOU. Er… okay. So any better ideas for names?"

"_I might have some good ones."_

"All right, lay it on me."

"_Ok so… I have a bunch of past experience and knowledge, and that makes me wiser than the both of you. I have a feeling that I'm going to help process and pick apart things in the future as well. So why not just call me __知恵__?"_

"_Chie_ for wisdom, eh? I like it! So, do **you **have better name picked out for yourself?"

"**落ち葉****."**

"**Ochiba **for fallen leaves… Interesting choice. Why did you pick it?"

"**I am the darker parts of you, of both of you. I keep things hidden, and I am our main line of defense. The fallen leaves are the opposite of the blossom, but still a part of the tree."**

"...huh. That was well thought out. _Chie, _**Ochiba, **I look forward to working with you. This meeting has been adjourned!"

* * *

><p>That above exchange probably says a lot about just how crazy we are. But being a bit mad is ok, because I have someone sane to hold onto. I have Karin.<p>

And for now, she's enough.

* * *

><p><em>Coming up next: To Konoha and beyond! Guest-starring Tsunade, Shizune, and Tonton!<em>

"...Alright, Tsunade-sama. I'll clean up the blood. But you _have _to promise me that you won't drink on the way to Konoha. You can't just show up piss drunk with two kids over a decade after leaving!"

**A/N:**

**Shows up two months later****—**

**Sorry! I promise the next update will be quicker!**


	3. Oh boy

**A/N: Before you do anything, go back and reread the last chapter! I added in a bit about Karin that I really like :)**

* * *

><p>"...Sakura."<p>

"..."

"Sakura."

"..._What._"

"Are you awake?"

"I am now."

"...sorry…"

A sigh. "It's fine, Karin. What is it?"

"What's happening tomorrow?" Her voice is anxious and very, very young. "I've got a bad feeling…" she trails off.

Another sigh. "Me too," the other girl says before pausing to look for a moment of humor in the situation. "He'll probably just make me kill things again. Same old, same old." Her attempt at a joking tone of voice falls flat.

Sakura's assumption was not incorrect—just incomplete. Hidan would indeed have her kill something, but tomorrow would be different from all the others.

It would be the first time she killed a human.

* * *

><p>Sakura had always been a precocious child, much to Hidan's delight. She could speak in short but coherent sentences at one year and six months, and began to read a year after that. He took advantage of this and began teaching her at a pace that would have broken most other children. But then again, having a built-in tutor in your brain tends to speed up things.<p>

Reading and writing and all that other standard stuff wasn't the only thing Hidan taught our little genius. To his horror, he discovered he was actually good with kids and had a knack for making learning interesting, so at the tender age of three he began to prepare our heroine to make her first kill (a deer, he decided). With that decision, he ensured that our heroine's mind was completely fractured beyond repair, to the point that she began to hear a new voice in her head. A darker voice, one that was a mix of the parts Sakura and Chie wanted no one else to find. Parts that would make teeth chatter and chills run up your spine if you ever saw them.

Hidan was gifted at the hunting arts, it being a favored pastime of his. He had found the skills learned from it useful serving as a priest of Jashin, so he began to pass down his knowledge down to Sakura as the chosen heiress. She was taught the basics of tracking, how to skin/gut/clean dead animals, and the Hissatsuken.

Hissatsuken (必殺拳) is a style of taijutsu unique to the novices of Jashinism, and with a name like "deadly fist" it showed. It was a versatile style that could be used as long as you needed to kill something. Hidan had Sakura use it primarily on their hunting trips, since he was a stickler about her getting used to the feeling of blood under the fingernails and similarly pleasing sensations.

* * *

><p>What is chakra?<p>

I don't know if I can tell you exactly _what _it is, because I don't really have the words to describe it. I can tell you what it _isn't, _though. It's not some warm river within you. It's not some magical tangible energy source within your body. Well, it kind of is. Both of those, I mean. But also not… it's hard to explain.

It's a complete oneness of body and mind. You're aware of everything, but as a consequence pain is felt more deeply. It's like an adrenaline rush, a rush of complete focus. Focus. Yeah, that's the word. That's why meditation increases and refines your chakra coils and network, because you're increasing and refining that focus. With focus you can move silently, quickly, and without a trace (and apparently manipulate the elements). Everything from your mind and body is focused together in one beautiful instant. It's constantly moving, like blood.

I can access all of my past memories because of chakra. I am, essentially, a consciousness with experience, which is the what makes up the bulk of Yin chakra. All of my knowledge is stored in my energy, so in order to access it, I wait until Sakura is asleep and I just… dive.

Sakura's chakra is weird. It's two parts Yin to one part Yang, because there are two souls connected to one body. For her future, it means she'll have insane control with reserves on average with her peers from ninja clans. Mainly because of my presence and the fact that I'll be doing the heavy lifting on the chakra side of things.

Sakura and I are a team. We are literally soulmates, and nothing can change that.

* * *

><p>Six months after Sakura's third birthday, Hidan decided to pay a visit to his buddies in the Kaguya clan. He was a man of simple tastes, and could appreciate a family still dedicated to a life of battle, an attitude that was rare after the formation of the ninja villages. To honor their lust for violence, he decided to sacrifice them in a ritual that would add the remaining years of their lives to his own lifespan.<p>

Unfortunately, they were all dead by the time he arrived, killed in a failed attack on the Hidden Mist village. Hidan was severely disappointed as he poked around the abandoned Kaguya compound, because it looked like he missed a seriously epic battle. He also thought it a damn shame that there were no more chances of reviving that freaky cool bloodlimit where you could grow _bones that detached from your body_ (HOW FUCKING COOL WAS THAT?!). On the bright side, he found a bunch of sick weapons made out of _human bone_. A particularly gruesome scythe caught his eye, and he decided it would make a fine present for his Sakura-chan.

Oh and he found a kid too. He supposed that was an okay find. The brat was clad in naught but dirty rags. And starving too, from the way his ribs were visibly jutting out from his body.

Wait… visible? What the fuck?

Hidan was privately scared that he was getting soft. First he picked up Karin, and now this? Seeing the boy's emaciated body struck a chord deep within him. He didn't really understand what was happening to him, what was making him act all soft and shit. It was probably indigestion.

But… the boy's eyes were so sad and desperate. So he took off one of his furs, draped it around the kid's shoulders, and told him to go get his stuff.

He blamed it again on the indigestion when he dug around the clan's trashed library for information about the Shikotsu-whatever bloodline and sealed his finds in a spare storage scroll he had. One that _totally _wasn't already filled with sick bone weapons, one that he really _didn't _have to empty out to make room. Yeah. But he kept the scythe to give to Sakura.

And when the kid walked back over to him with nothing but a fistful of flowers, he definitely didn't awkwardly wrap his arm around the kid's shoulders in a gesture meant to comfort. Otherwise called a hug. Gross.

(Definitely indigestion.)

* * *

><p>It was shocking to see Hidan giving a kid other than Sakura and Karin a piggyback ride. And it was even more shocking to hear that his name was Kimimaro and he would be staying with us. Welp, I think I can officially say that I've fucked up canon badly. Like, really badly.<p>

And not for the better, either. How is Hidan a better fate than Orochimaru? Trick question, because he isn't. Better, that is.

Kimimaro was six years old at the time Hidan took him, and as the oldest out of us three he became the designated one in charge when Hidan was gone. However, there was less babysitting going on and more of me and Karin teaching him how to read and stuff. Let me just say that seeing a frustrated six year old being teased at his nonexistent reading prowess by Chibi!Karin was adorable.

Hidan also taught Karin and Kimimaro a bit about their respective bloodlines and how to defend themselves. The scroll Karin had been clutching when Hidan found her and the contents of the Kaguya library proved quite helpful in that respect. And let me just say, they became quite the tiny badasses, able to take out your average thug. While admittedly nowhere near shinobi level, it was something.

It didn't take Kimimaro very long to start reading, about a month before Sakura would turn four. Though we didn't know it, this was when the countdown for Hidan's time with us began.

All because of Kakashi, that fucker.

So apparently the Mist got pissed off at hidan for stealing a "national treasure", referring to Kimimaro.

If it had been someone infamous like Orochimaru, not a peep would have been heard. But Hidan was still relatively unknown because he tended to leave no one alive, so the Mist sent the hunter-nin after him. He didn't want to get into any altercations with ninja because he was a man of Jashin and he had the kids with him. A fact that raised alarm within him, because it seemed awfully like he wanted to protect the brats or some stupid shit like that.

So he got chased all the way into the heart of Fire Country, uncomfortably close to Konoha. A place that no Mist-nin dared to venture near. A place crawling with the ANBU of the Leaf.

(Fucking Kakashi.)

* * *

><p>ANBU Hound was confused. What would a missing-nin be doing with three kids? One that apparently culled the admittedly low ninja population of Yugakure, the Hidden Hot Water.<p>

The children's hair colors were a gradient of red, pink, and white, but aside from that Hound couldn't see any other identifying characteristics. Mostly because having a half-naked man covered in furs and yelling and swinging a big ass triple-bladed scythe tended to be rather distracting. Having to fight for your life does that to a guy. Whoa, holy shit I need to get out of her oh sHI—

pagebreak

Hidan was hyperventilating.

Why had he started panicking so bad at the perceived threat to his kids—wait. _His kids _oh Jashin he was in too deep he needed to be rid of them but he also really didn't to kill them? (Oh Jashin.)

In Jashinism, the first human kill is a momentous occasion; normally the Ceremony is commenced at age 6-7. Hidan completed his on his fifth birthday, but Sakura's fourth was in about a month. That would give him exactly a year to prepare Sakura for her Ceremony, if he accounted for the month of Haruno Kizashi's travel time at civilian speed from Iron. Kizashi would pick her up and Sakura and probably the other kids too would live with him, and Hidan would finally be stress free. He could make it for one more year.

* * *

><p>It was after the ANBU incident (that we swore never to speak of) that Hidan packed up and went to the outskirts of Sunagakure, the Hidden Sand. He booked a room at an inn and paid for his stay by providing fresh meat. Food was hard to come by in the desert. Upon his return to the inn, Sakura, Karin, and Kimimaro accosted Hidan for whatever he had caught that day.<p>

"Ojisan," Karin whined. "It's been _three days_, and the weirdo next door made another peephole! Can't you sacrifice him to Jashin-sama already?"

Hidan smirked and ruffled her hair, saying, "Nah, I don't wanna bring the Suna ANBU on our asses. On the bright side—who wants camel jerky?"

Kimimaro, who was in the corner with a book, scoffed loudly. "Aw, Kimi-chan, why so glum?" Hidan asked with a mock pout.

"I hate this stupid place. The food is shit and my skin is dry and I keep getting sunburned!" Kimimaro said, glowering. But on his six year old face it was fucking adorable.

Sakura released Hidan from his welcome home hug ("Sakura-chan, my leg's falling asleep") and rolled her eyes. "Quit bitching. We'll probably go to Iwa soon, and you can hide in a cave there."

Kimimaro sneered back at her. "Fuck off, hime."

Karin jumped to Sakura's defense, "You're just pissy 'cause you haven't gone on a Hunt yet and can't in this weather."

Kimimaro stuck his tongue out, and Karin made a rude hand gesture back at him. "For your information, _bimbo_, I haven't just been staying in here all day. I've also learned lots of new interesting things from the landlady. So in her words, I say to you—do a handstand on your roof and point your dick at the moon."

"Wha—_Kimimaro_, that doesn't even make _sense, _I don't even have a dick_._ 'Sides, you just look like a really dumb lizard with those dots on your face."

"_OI! _Why you—"

"_**GUYS.**_**" **Sakura, Ochiba, and I thundered.

"Ehehe, sorry Sakura-chan…"

* * *

><p>It might be shocking to see a bunch of little kids with that kind of language, but prolonged exposure to Hidan will do that to a person.<p>

The Last Year went on much like this—filled with our bickering, killing, running, and living. And even as Karin, Kimimaro, and Sakura grew closer, Hidan grew increasingly distant, leaving us to fend for ourselves for longer and longer periods of time. We all knew something was up—had been up ever since that incident with the ANBU—but we never spoke of it.

Sakura and I were growing distant as well, and I couldn't help being terrified Sakura would leave me in the corner to gather dust like an old doll. That I would be locked away with the trappings of childhood. It was nice to observe, and I was glad that Sakura had friends and was happy. But… I couldn't help but selfishly miss the days when it was just me and Sakura together with no one to talk to but each other. I couldn't help but miss having philosophical discussions with a two year old I shared brainspace with. I wasn't entirely alone—I had Ochiba, but her presence was a small comfort. Later on, I would miss these quieter days, but at the time it just felt lonely.

The straw that broke the camel's back on Hidan's departure was when, three or four months before Sakura's fifth birthday, a man in a black cloak with red clouds came to talk to him. At the words "world peace", Hidan took a look at the sleeping children and said, "I'm in."

It was one month before Sakura's fifth birthday when Hidan booked it to Otafuku-Gai. As much as he loved them, he'd had enough of the kids. There was only so much brat a man could take, and he was at his wits' end. He needed out like yesterday ever since a year ago. So he made the proper arrangements for Sakura to make her first human kill, and was out of there.

(He didn't look back. Really, he didn't.)

* * *

><p>I hate whorehouses. Yeah, I might be a drunken lout, and yeah, I might have a gambling addiction. But as the Senju "princess" I never had to go on seduction missions, so it's an alien environment to me. You'd think that I would be used to such places since my travels usually take me to the slums, but that smell—the stench of booze, opium, and sex—gets to me every time.<p>

On this occasion it's a necessary evil. I just made a win big enough to pay off the guy I'm going to meet here. (Not that I'm actually going to give him any money, because I'll probably kill him and see how much his head is worth, but it's the principle of the thing.)

My wins usually mean that my life is going to get _very _interesting. And not in a good way. Wins as big as this one…

The last time was Dan, and I think I'd finally break after all these years if something happened to Shizune. So I says to her, "Time to pack up. We're getting the hell out of this city, and I'm on a tight schedule. People to kill, places to be and all that." Shizune, the champ, just rolls her eyes and wordlessly began to gather up our meagre belongings.

* * *

><p>When the going gets tough, you gotta do what you gotta do. The establishment we were currently lodging in was one of questionable integrity, a hub for the more disreputable lines of work—oh, fuck it, I'll just say it: We were staying in a brothel.<p>

It was unusual, to say the least. Hidan had about -300% interest in anything sexual. Like at all. He always stated that Jashin was the only woman he needed in his life, he was a man of god, or my personal favorite "I can't let the unclean heathens touch this sacred bod". So when Sakura woke to the noise of rough and kinky-sounding sex, we instantly knew something was up.

"Rise and shine, brats!" Hidan chirped, "Something important is happening today, and I'm going on a trip." This had been happening more and more often ever since Kimimaro had joined us—Hidan would find excuses to separate from us for longer and longer periods of time. "Kimimaro, you're in charge. Karin, you're on look out," her chakra sense was a godsend, "and Sakura, get yourself looking nice and presentable."

"Hai," we chorused and the kids went off to do their assigned duties while Hidan left. It would be the last time we saw him for a while. Sakura got out of bed and put on her pretty red dress after she was sure Hidan was gone. He had been acting strange, especially after the ANBU incident, and she didn't like it at all.

"There's someone coming, a woman I think," Karin said. Her face was focused, her brow furrowed and her eyes sharp. Kimimaro went to his place at the door and subtly prepared to attack any hostile intruders.

There was a light knock, and we all exchanged a glance before he opened the door a crack. As soon as he (stupidly) let down his guard, the door widened, revealing a radiant redheaded woman dressed in elegant peach silk. "Ah, you are ready, yes? We will go to the auction now. Are you three a set?" Her voice matched her appearance, light and airy like a summer afternoon.

There was a moment of extremely awkward silence because Hidan had not deigned to tell us what the hell was going on, before Karin managed to stutter, "Y-Yes…?" She was awestruck by the woman's hair color, so similar to her own.

The woman's eyes were instantly filled with sorrow, before she composed herself and ushered us to the Auction room. It was filled with a line of men with hungry eyes and scared looking young women. Sakura was the only child in the Auction, therefore a valued commodity, and thus would be saved for last. With dawning horror I realized what was going on: we were being sold like cattle as part of a human trafficking operation. _Oh God._

'Chie… I'm scared.'

I could offer Sakura no comfort.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ahahahaha. Sorry. I promise they'll be in Konoha by next chapter, which should be up by Sunday. I had to cut this in half because I'm trying not to go over 5,000 words per chapter. Anyways, let me know what you thought, especially about the Karin bit. **

**Question: What do you think the pairings will be in this story? I'm curious ;)**


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